Can our problems be fixed - or is our relationship beyond repair?

Is This Really a Bad Sign – or Just a Sign of Growth?

When a couple tells me they’re worried the relationship is failing, I often ask,
“What makes you feel that this is a sign of something unfixable?”

Because the truth is: many conflicts are meant to come up, especially as a relationship deepens. Intimacy brings us face-to-face with our oldest wounds, fears, and defenses. It calls out the parts of us we usually keep hidden. Relationships take us into the depths of ourselves – but love can also create a safe place to explore, heal, and grow.

That’s why I encourage couples to reframe their struggles not only as a crisis, but as an opportunity: a moment of transformation, a signpost for growth.

Am I neglecting myself? – Reconnecting with yourself

In the midst of all this stress and uncertainty, it’s essential to reconnect with yourself. Relationships, especially challenging ones, can cause us to lose sight of who we are and what we need. That’s why I often encourage clients to park the question of staying or leaving for a while and focus instead on their own well-being.

What would make you feel calmer, stronger, and happier? What are your needs and wishes, and how can you take steps to meet them? By reconnecting with yourself and nurturing your own sense of strength, you’ll be in a much better place to decide whether to stay or leave—and to approach that decision with clarity and confidence.

One Shift Can Change Everything

Many couples find themselves caught in repetitive, downward spirals: blame, retreat, misunderstanding, repeat. But here’s the beautiful truth: sometimes, all it takes is one perspective shift to change the entire dynamic.

I remember a couple where one partner constantly felt criticised – like nothing they did was ever good enough. Over time, this created distance and resentment. But as we explored it together, we discovered something deeper: the criticism wasn’t really criticism. It was fear. The other partner was terrified of losing control over their life and their relationship. The constant correcting was a desperate attempt to feel safe and to protect what mattered most to them.

When this came to light, the dynamic shifted. The partner who felt criticised could finally respond with empathy instead of defensiveness. That moment created the space for change. A downward spiral turned into an upward one.

If You’re Still Showing Up, There Is Hope

Another thing I remind couples of is this:
If you’re still here, still googling, still coming to sessions, still showing up — that in itself is a sign of hope.

The very reason I do this work is because I believe in the intentions couples bring. The desire to try, to reconnect, to hold on to what you’ve built. The love, commitment, and care you already carry are not small things — they’re powerful resources that can carry you forward.

What Might Be Holding You Back

Of course, there are barriers. One of the biggest is what I call the “never again” moments — moments where someone was so hurt or alone that they promised themselves: I will never feel this way again. And so they shut down. They withdraw, protect, and become emotionally unavailable.

These are deep wounds, and they deserve compassion. But they don’t have to last forever. I’ve worked with couples who’ve carried those walls for years, and still managed to open up again — when they felt their partner genuinely cared and was ready to listen.

Empathy Changes Everything

In the end, the heart of healing is often very simple: to feel heard.

When we give each other the space to speak honestly — and truly listen, with empathy and openness — the door to healing opens again. The conversation shifts from who’s right or wrong, to what we each feel and need. That’s when solutions become possible again.

And while couples counselling can help guide that process, it’s not the only way. You can start these conversations on your own. The important thing is: don’t give up too quickly.

Final Thoughts

If you’re wondering whether your relationship can be saved, ask yourself this instead:
Are we still willing to try? To listen? To feel? To hope?

Because the real question isn’t “Can this be fixed?”
It’s: Are we still open to growing together?

If the answer is even a hesitant yes, then there is still something beautiful worth working with.
And I would be honoured to walk that path with you.