Can our problems be fixed - or is our relationship beyond repair?

Fixed vs. Growth Mindset

Understanding your mindset is the first step toward change. A fixed mindset is the belief that your abilities and intelligence are static—you either have what it takes, or you don’t. With this mindset, mistakes feel like proof that you’re “not good enough,” and challenges are something to avoid.

A growth mindset, on the other hand, sees skills and intelligence as qualities that can be developed. Mistakes become opportunities to learn, effort is seen as a path to mastery, and challenges are exciting rather than threatening. Cultivating a growth mindset doesn’t mean ignoring difficulties—it means facing them with curiosity and resilience.

Common Work-Related Self-Doubt

Self-doubt can sneak in subtly or hit like a wave. You might catch yourself thinking, “This job isn’t for me,” when a task feels unfamiliar. Or in a meeting, you might feel the pressure to constantly prove yourself, wondering if anything you say will be valued. Perhaps you’ve struggled with a recurring problem at work and feel, “I’ll never get this right, no matter what I try,” or berate yourself with thoughts like, “I should already know this,” or “I’m just not good at this.”

These thoughts might seem harmless, but they actively limit your focus and performance. The irony is that the more energy you devote to doubting yourself, the less you have to actually do the work that could prove your competence and build confidence.

The Psychology Behind Self-Doubt

Self-doubt is not just an emotional struggle—it’s a cognitive process. I often explain this to clients using a simple metaphor: think of your day as a pie chart representing 100% of your time, energy, and focus. If a third of that pie is eaten up by self-doubt, anxiety, or worry about “not being good enough,” then less remains for focused work. Unsurprisingly, reduced focus can lead to mistakes or lower-quality results, which in turn feed more self-doubt—a vicious cycle. Breaking this cycle requires awareness, intentional focus, and a shift in mindset.

The Power of a Growth Mindset

Adopting a growth mindset transforms this cycle. Instead of seeing mistakes as evidence of failure, you see them as opportunities to learn. For example, if a project doesn’t go as planned, rather than saying, “I’ll never get this right,” you might ask, “What can I learn from this experience to improve next time?” By shifting your perspective, you free mental space, reduce anxiety, and allow your full “pie” of energy to be invested in growth rather than self-criticism.

Practical Steps to Cultivate a Growth Mindset

1. Remember that learning is a process
   It’s easy to get frustrated when things don’t go perfectly the first time. Remind yourself that learning takes time. Even experts were once beginners. Every mistake or challenge is simply part of your journey, not a reflection of your worth. Think of it like planting a tree—growth doesn’t happen overnight, but with patience and care, progress is inevitable.
2. Take it step by step
   Big goals can feel overwhelming, but breaking them down into small, manageable steps makes them achievable. Focus on one small improvement at a time. For example, if giving presentations makes you nervous, start by practicing in front of a colleague or recording yourself for a few minutes. Each small step builds confidence and skill.
3. Encourage yourself
   Self-talk matters. Be your own cheerleader instead of your harshest critic. Say things like, “I can handle this,” or “I’m learning and improving every day.” Encouragement doesn’t eliminate challenges, but it gives you the energy to face them. Imagine how much lighter a difficult day feels when you speak to yourself kindly.
4. Ask what advice you’d give a friend
   We’re often kinder to others than ourselves. When self-doubt creeps in, pause and ask, “What would I tell my best friend in this situation?” Chances are, you’d offer support, perspective, and encouragement. Now turn that advice inward—it’s a simple but powerful tool to shift your mindset.
5. Reflect on how to improve
   Instead of dwelling on mistakes, ask yourself, “What can I do differently next time?” or “How can I get better?” This shifts your focus from self-criticism to constructive action. For example, if a report didn’t meet expectations, look at it as a chance to refine your approach rather than proof that you’re incapable.
6. Reignite curiosity about your work
   Curiosity fuels growth. Ask questions, explore new methods, and experiment without fear of failure. Curiosity transforms routine tasks into learning opportunities and keeps your work engaging. The moment you start seeing challenges as puzzles to solve rather than obstacles, your mindset begins to shift naturally.
7. Pose open-ended growth questions
   Finally, make a habit of asking yourself questions that focus on development, like, “What did I learn today?” or “What skill can I improve this week?” Open-ended questions invite reflection, spark ideas, and help you identify ways to grow continuously. They turn everyday experiences into stepping stones for development.

Encouraging a Growth Mindset in Teams

A growth mindset isn’t just for individuals—it can transform teams too. Start by clearly distinguishing between criticism and constructive feedback. Feedback should focus on actionable steps and improvement, not just pointing out mistakes. For example, instead of saying, “This report is all wrong,” try, “Here are three ways we can improve this report for next time.”

Celebrate progress at every stage. Recognizing small steps encourages learning, reduces fear of failure, and reinforces the idea that growth is a journey. Teams that practice this approach become more resilient, creative, and collaborative.

Conclusion

The pressure to be perfect is real, but it doesn’t have to define your work life. By understanding the difference between a fixed and growth mindset, and by intentionally cultivating curiosity, learning, and reflection, you can break the cycle of self-doubt. You can reclaim your focus, invest fully in your work, and approach challenges with confidence, resilience, and a sense of possibility. Growth is not an endpoint—it’s a lifelong journey, and every small step forward matters.

Quiz

Our mindset shows up in how we speak to ourselves during the day, the questions we ask ourselves, and the messages we tell ourselves. I have developed a short quiz will help you reflect on your natural tendencies – access it here.