You deserve so much more than functioning

I often begin my work with a simple question: what brings you to therapy? What saddens me, time and again, is how many people answer from a place of collapse rather than choice. Most do not come because they want more from life, but because they can no longer cope. They come when keeping up with everyday demands feels impossible, when the inner pressure has become too much, or when their body has finally put a stop to the life they have been living.
You might wonder why this makes me sad. It is because it reveals how deeply rooted the belief is that functioning is enough. As long as people are still “managing,” still showing up, still performing, they see no reason to be concerned about their health or to ask for support. Functioning becomes the bare minimum and, somehow, also the maximum they believe they deserve.

But you deserve so much more than merely functioning in everyday life. You deserve to feel alive. You deserve to enjoy your life. I wish more people would come to therapy and say: I want to create a life that truly reflects who I am and what matters to me. You deserve to feel healthy and strong in your body, not just free of pain. You deserve a clear and optimistic mind that allows you to look ahead, not one that is constantly busy fighting anxious thoughts or self-doubt. You deserve to be connected to your emotions and to feel equipped to move through heavy feelings while also expanding those that nourish you, rather than ignoring pain or constantly battling it. And you deserve to create your life in a resourceful, conscious way, not just cope from one day to the next.

Your body plays a central role in the life you are trying to create. Physical health is not separate from emotional or psychological wellbeing; it is deeply intertwined. When physical symptoms arise, when your routines suddenly feel harder to maintain, or when pain and somatic symptoms appear, your body is often not betraying you. It is trying to help you. Many people experience this as their body no longer doing what it is “supposed” to do, when in reality it is attempting to slow them down and create the pause they have been denying themselves. Long before pain shows up, there are usually quieter signs: a lack of joy, dwindling energy, a sense of emptiness or disconnection, while still being able to perform and push through. If those signals are ignored for too long, the body eventually raises its voice. Changes in appetite, disturbed sleep, persistent fatigue, digestive difficulties, migraines, headaches, muscle tension, especially in the shoulders and neck, or recurring illness are common expressions of this. Chronic stress keeps the body in a state of shallow breathing, elevated heart rate and constant hormonal activation, and over time this takes a real toll. Seen this way, symptoms are not the enemy; they are messages asking you to change how you live.

Your thoughts also shape the life you are creating. A healthy mind is not one that is always positive, but one that has enough space and energy to be flexible. When we are depleted, our thoughts tend to gravitate toward what is heavy, negative or threatening. Without conscious effort, this can become the dominant inner landscape. Gratitude, perspective and optimism require energy. If we no longer have access to that energy, our thoughts can start to weigh us down. Overthinking, constant self-doubt and anxious loops are often signs that we have lost touch with our values, our sense of meaning or our deeper purpose. Once again, the mind is not trying to sabotage us; it is signalling that something needs to change. We do not only need rest and recovery, we also need moments of joy, inspiration and aliveness. If we only expend energy without refuelling, mentally and emotionally, we will eventually run dry.

Emotional health is another essential piece. Emotions are not problems to be solved; they are experiences to be lived through. You can imagine them as a vessel that needs to be filled again and again. Joy is not something we create once and then possess forever. It is cultivated through daily habits, choices and experiences that bring meaning, connection and excitement. At the same time, many people try to avoid heavy emotions by numbing themselves. What we often forget is that the body cannot selectively feel only the pleasant parts of the emotional spectrum. When we silence pain, we also silence joy, love and curiosity. Emotional maturity is not numbness. It is the ability to feel deeply, to move through emotions in a healthy way, trusting that they will pass if we do not endlessly feed them with our thoughts. Emotional flexibility means leaning into what is present without drowning in it. This capacity is a powerful source of inner strength.

Finally, your behaviour determines whether you feel at the mercy of life or actively engaged with it. There is a significant difference between reacting and responding. Reacting is automatic, driven by habit, fear or old patterns. Responding requires awareness, choice and responsibility. When you feel in control of your actions, even in small ways, you regain a sense of agency. Behaviour aligned with your values reinforces trust in yourself and creates momentum for change. This is where insight turns into lived experience.

If there is one invitation I want to leave you with, it is this: listen to your heart. Ask yourself honestly how you feel about your life and about yourself. Are you merely coping, or are you healing? Are you surviving, or are you allowing yourself to enjoy and expand? You are allowed to set high standards for the life you want to create. You are allowed to want more than functioning. And you are worthy of the support it takes to build a life that feels alive, meaningful and deeply your own.