Transformation Journey: Expression – How you can focus on yourself in a healthy way and stand up for what you really believe

Speaking your truth, setting boundaries, and learning when to act and when to accept are central pillars of psychological well-being. Across multiple fields of psychology, there is strong and growing evidence that chronic self-suppression is not a neutral coping strategy but a significant risk factor for emotional distress, relational breakdown, and physical illness.

Research on people-pleasing and excessive agreeableness shows that individuals who habitually prioritise others’ needs over their own experience higher levels of stress, anxiety, depressive symptoms, and emotional exhaustion. This pattern is often driven by early relational learning, where safety, love, or belonging were conditional on being compliant, easy, or emotionally contained. Over time, the nervous system remains in a state of heightened vigilance, constantly scanning for cues of disapproval, which keeps the stress response activated (Keltner et al., 2014; Van der Kolk, 2014).

Gabor Maté has repeatedly emphasised that the body keeps the score when emotional truth is consistently denied. He highlights that it is not only the presence of stress that affects health, but the absence of authentic self-expression. When individuals suppress anger, grief, fear, or desire — especially from a young age — they may eventually lose conscious access to these signals altogether. This loss of interoceptive awareness weakens the ability to self-regulate, make aligned decisions, and protect oneself, increasing vulnerability to autoimmune conditions, chronic pain, and stress-related illness (Maté, 2022).

Emotion regulation research supports this perspective. Suppression of emotion has been shown to increase physiological arousal rather than reduce it, leading to higher cortisol levels, increased cardiovascular strain, and reduced immune functioning. In contrast, emotional expression and acceptance are associated with lower physiological stress markers and improved long-term health outcomes (Gross & John, 2003; Pennebaker & Chung, 2011).

Unexpressed truth does not disappear; it accumulates. When people repeatedly hold back what they feel or need, anger often builds beneath the surface, experienced as heaviness, irritability, numbness, or fatigue. This anger is not pathological in itself. Psychological research increasingly frames anger as a boundary emotion — a signal that something matters, that a limit has been crossed, or that action is required. Problems arise when anger cannot be expressed directly and safely, turning either outward into aggression or inward into self-criticism, shame, and somatic symptoms (Lerner & Tiedens, 2006).

The relational consequences of suppressed truth are equally well documented. Individuals who sacrifice their needs to maintain harmony often become resentful, emotionally distant, or passive-aggressive over time. Intimacy erodes not because conflict exists, but because authenticity is missing. Studies on relational satisfaction show that people with clear boundaries and the capacity to express needs experience more stable, satisfying relationships. By standing up for themselves, they create relationships that are emotionally safer and more sustainable, which increases commitment and long-term connection (Overall & Simpson, 2015).

Importantly, boundary-setting is not associated with selfishness or relational harm. On the contrary, assertive communication and clear limits are linked to higher mutual respect, lower conflict escalation, and greater emotional closeness. People who can say no without excessive guilt are more likely to remain engaged and present in relationships, whereas those who lack boundaries often withdraw or seek distance as a form of self-protection (Rogers et al., 2018).

From a systemic perspective, the ability to discern what can be changed and what must be accepted is equally vital. Acceptance does not mean resignation or passivity; it refers to recognising limits realistically so that energy can be directed where agency is possible. Psychological flexibility — the capacity to hold discomfort, express truth, take action, and accept constraints — has been identified as a core predictor of mental health, resilience, and life satisfaction (Hayes et al., 2006).

Taken together, the research is clear: speaking one’s truth, setting boundaries, acting where change is possible, and accepting what cannot be changed are not optional skills for well-being. They are foundational to mental health, physical health, and meaningful relationships. Journaling and reflective practices can support this process by helping individuals reconnect with their internal signals, articulate their truth, and consciously choose how they want to relate to themselves and others moving forward.

References

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “what” and “why” of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268.

Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348–362.

Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J. B., Bond, F. W., Masuda, A., & Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and commitment therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(1), 1–25.

Keltner, D., Gruenfeld, D. H., & Anderson, C. (2014). Power, approach, and inhibition. Psychological Review, 110(2), 265–284.

Lerner, J. S., & Tiedens, L. Z. (2006). Portrait of the angry decision maker: How appraisal tendencies shape anger’s influence on cognition. Journal of Behavioral Decision Making, 19(2), 115–137.

Maté, G. (2022). The myth of normal: Trauma, illness, and healing in a toxic culture. Knopf Canada.

Overall, N. C., & Simpson, J. A. (2015). Regulation processes in close relationships. Current Opinion in Psychology, 1, 1–6.

Pennebaker, J. W., & Chung, C. K. (2011). Expressive writing: Connections to physical and mental health. In H. S. Friedman (Ed.), The Oxford handbook of health psychology (pp. 417–437). Oxford University Press.

Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.